c'mon

Chill a bit. I know you ain't like that, really. But it hurts me that you try. So I try back, I guess.

Coffee & Cigarettes

No cigarettes. But a bit to much coffee.

Gotta write 3,5 pages about shit I have hardly read 'til tomorrow. Whoopifuckindo.

didn't get accepted to the university program I had applied for. Got some nice advice, though. Helpful lot, more or less.

Will be going to my first class in religious history in 2 hours. I don't know... From what I have heard I should have a pretty easy time there after reading history. Rumours has it, they are playing a bit more fast and loose there. History is anything but fast and loose. At least not for being a theoretical, humanistic subjects.

Well, gotta continue with this essay-thingy.

God, I wanna get drunk.

Bellum Omnium Contra Omnes

This have been an incredibly shitty day with two higlights: perfect cappuccinos and Thomas Hobbes.

Now, I have never really cared for Hobbes earlier. His system has always seemed totally opposite mine. He wants subjects to authoritys to never rebel and to always accept the cards they are dealt. Those in power have absolute power and therefore has the right to do what the want to do. Not my thing. I think rebellion is important. I think rebellion should always be at the heart of what you do. Well maybe not rebellion, but at least a keen sense of anti-authoritarianism and a ability to think for yourself. Obviously, at first glance we don't mix.

But.

"Bellum omnium contra omnes."

It means "the war of all against all" and is the description that Hobbes gives to human existence in the state of nature, i.e. what we are really like, when we have no (created) civilization or state watching over us. Because if there is one thing that annoys the shit out of me it is people that takes about "nature" as something positive, as something we should strive for. And sure, I think there are many ways that nature is to prefer, since we after all are animals and have very base instincts that we need to understand and sometimes use and appreciate. BUT: I am very careful about nature, and especially "nature." "Nature" usually ain't as natural as people think it is. Nature (but for some reason "nature" doesn't seem to be, if you listen to it's acolytes.) is an ugly and hostile place. You want things to be more natural? Abolish every law ever written. Legalize rape, theft, murder and incest because you know what? It's perfectly natural.

And Hobbes realized this, I think. He realized that all societys are a form of contract where we give up some of our freedoms (the freedoms to rape, murder and steal) in order to be protected from violence (and, in my book other forms of oppression as well.).

Everything but our base lusts and instincts are constructs to protect us from our base lusts and instincts.

In other news, I have for some reason become quite fond of Maniacs (ex-Mayhem) new band Skitliv. Mad and insane doom/black metal. And I really enjoy his fucked up tattoos.


Addendum I: Oh, and for our basic instincts and urges I think they are basically this: Eath, Shit, Fuck, Kill, Dominate and to be dominated. If you strip everything from us, if you take us back to before we where even cavemen, thats what you have. A flock minded, sex crazed killing machine with dreams of power.

Addendum II: Swedish readers should check this blog. He's obviously a liberal, but hey. You can't get everything. Anyway, his idea is somehow related to my own. So check it out.

Solve Et Coagula

I don't appreciate fuckers who is so proud of reading much. Yeah, sure. You know a lot about symbolism and shit. You can quote the bible or whatever. Nice for you.

But.

Do you have any thoughts of your own?

The thing that mostly tells shitheads like that appart from people who are intelligent and intellectual is the need for the former group to show ther "knowledge". God know I am no saint in that department, but hey...

Don't get it.

I don't understand my application for the university. I'm only allowed to say "yes" to courses for 240 points, but the one that I want to read (and might have been accepted to) is 270 points...

I'm getting so bored with all this bureocratic shit. On he other hand, I don't want to do anything else than study right now.

Fuck! Who'd think it? That I would fail on the the exam question where I really worked hard, but I'd pass on the one where I didn't even read the litterature properly?

And I got to take another exam again in just a couple of weeks but my work wont give me time of to study. Fuckers.

Yeah... Worthless.

Gotta go to work now. I am starting to fucking hate it. For real. I just go there and I feel my soul dying. But it pays quite ok. And I'm good at it. It's just, it used to be fun.

Saw "Letters From Iwo Jima" last night. Really great. See it.

Quetzalcoatl

Just saw Apocalypto. I don't know. The evil injuns where cool. Also the only ones with some depth. Lots of cool scarifications and tattos and shit.

Don't know if it's me or Mel Gibson, but it felt a bit too christian. You know, prophecies and then spaniards and priests showing up in the end. Not that the spaniards where portraid in a positive way (or in any way for that matter). But I don't know... I'm a bit of a sceptic. Felt like there was a lot of surface but not a lot beneath it.

Still, it's an ok movie.

The World Is My Oyster

I hate oysters.

Feeling a bit blue today. Miss my family. Spent almost a week with them and it was wonderful. Wish I could do it more often. Mostly I wish we lived closer to each other.

I don't know what will happen this fall. Don't know what will happen with school. Don't know what will happen with work. I'm worried.

It will work out. Some how. It always does. I mean, just look at my friend J. There's a man who really should be down and out but always manage to land on his feet (always! I'm amazed.). So it will work itself out. But still. I'm worried. Pain and shit is a part of life and I know that there will most likely be some heavy shit in the future. And it worries me. It all worries me. My gut instinct is to run away from it, to hide from it. But that would go against of a lot of what I stand for. But I am really not a fighter. I don't like challenges. I'm not that sort of person. And that pains me more than anything.

Just the normal pathetic whining you hear from me about once a month. But that is what the internet is for, isn't it?

Watching Hellboy right now. I'm getting a hard on by all the nazi kitsch. Gotta write something about that some day.