The Guilty Have No Pride

I have a problem with guilt. Guilt and shame. On several occasions I know that I have done something wrong but I am too ashamed to apologize. Some times I think this shame has been mistaken (both by myself and others) for anger and maybe arrogance.
So...

And shame is not a hard emotion for me to conjure up.

Anyhow. Something came up this weekend that made me react in a certain way and that reaction reminded me of another time I had that reaction (and how it feels almost impossible to act in another way). I remember this spring, when I was going to some kind of light weight therapy. That was nice and all, but when the counselor said that there would be no more therapy, no real thereapy, I just closed up. It just sort of blocked it up. Forever, for that person. And without going into details, I had a similar reaction. I hope I can get over it, but I am starting to remember reactions like that in my past, and there has been a lot of them. And it pisses me of. And I don't really want to be angry. Not now, not ever. It's useless.

I don't know what I am getting at anymore. Not when it comes to anything. I just constantly feel at odds with just about everything. It feels like the more I see, feel, learn and hear, the more I see, feel, learn and hear that everything is false and empty. This is an absurd, meaningless existance in an absurd and meaningless universe. Nothing makes any difference, not really. Sure, we make up differences to feel like there is a reason, like this existance isn't totally futile, but it is just make belief. I wish I could find something to burn for, something to strive for, some reason to improve myself. But it is futile. Improve myself? For what? It makes no difference in the end. Fight for something? It is all dust tomorrow. Love? Hate? Futilities.
What I want is one perfect moment, and make it last forever.

I wish I wasn't so controlled. I wish I could kill someone. Someone unimportant. Someone that just pushed me a little bit over the edge. Or at least beat someone up. Just let it out, for once. Let it out and win. Maybe it could be something besides rage and loneliness and isolation after that.

This rather crass and harsh way of looking at the world expresses itself in mysterious ways sometimes. My new 'obsession' (although it is a somewhat lightweight obessions) is Danish Design. I am intrigued by some of their watches. So I have decided that I have to get me one one of these days.

You try to find a point and meaning in the smallest of things, don't you?

Sometimes I think I am a chameleon. Maybe not a really good chameleon, but still. A chameleon. And sometimes I loathe myself for it. And at other times I admire myself for it. Watching myself and the world with a little wry sardonic smile.

Drive On

Yesterday I reread a book called "med uppenbar känsla för stil." A Swedish dissection of manhood, manliness, male culture etc. And a totally merciless dissection at that. It hit me like a hammer to both the head and the heart. Even more this time than the first time I read it. I recognize just about everything in that book. And I don't know when I feel worse. When I feel like "yes, this is the way I am and it is disgusting" or when I feel "no, this isn't the way I am but it is the way I am supposed to be. The way I have to act to be able to walk through this unscathed."

I see it so well. Being a man. What you have to be, what you have to do, how you have to act. At times I think there is something beautiful about at and at the same time it disgust me. It is so limiting. It is killing me. It is killing us all.

I am not wrong. That is the thing. I'm not like this because I want to, because it started of like a "fuck you" to the world. I am like this as a reaction to the world. Sure, I could dress differently, I could behave differently, I could think differently. But I shouldn't have to. That is the thing. I'm not like this because I don't want to be a part of the world, I am like this because I have to be a part of something, I have to have something when the world rejected me. The walls around me are there for a reason. Why should I crawl to the cross and ask to be a part of it now? I'm not the one to blame, not from the start. I didn't set out to be 'alternative' or what the fuck you want to call it. I became that way because that was the only place where I could make any kind of room for myself. Granted, at the moment it is a small, dank room. But it is mine. I took it. Contrary to what people might believe, it is not an act of opposition. It is not against the world or society or whatever you might want to call it. It is just different. It is something else. Something that very much exists on it's own premises.

Granted, I am quite defensive and sometimes (quite often) I act like offence is the best defense. I am not saying I have no fault in this. I searched eagerly for something different, something that was different to the core, and now I am paying the price. That is what first attracted me to Black Metal. The fact that it was so different. It didn't make any apologies. It acted according to it's own rules, rules that was (and is) very different from the ordinary worlds. It didn't make any apologies. It wasn't 'evil' because christianity was the real evil and had treated people badly. It was evil because it was evil. Everything from lyrics to views to aestethics was so much... It was the context for itself.

But at the same time it has killed something in me. This might seem utterly pretentious, but you know about the "1000 mile stare" that war veterans supposedly get when they fully understand the horrors of war? When they have seen things that couldn't possibly be understood by the rookies or the people back home? Sometimes I feel like I got something like that. Like I have seen the Tiger smile.

It's like there has been a search for extremes. Like not being a part of the world has made me search for something that is totally different to the core. And that maybe that was too different. Like it has forced me to lie, to adapt just as much as I would have to to be a part of the real world.

And I didn't really escape. I ended up in caricature, a parody of what I didn't want to be a part of. Not something inherently different. I chose to be a part of a culture that made me a perpetrator and not a victim. And that makes me sad. Incredibly sad. I am a part of the problem. I remember me an L talking about that. That she had always been friends with the fags, the ones that got beat up. My side is the other side. And I can't but help to admire her strenght and courage to stay on that side. I can't help but admire the strength and courage for all the people who can stay their ground on that side. I feels like they remaind true to themselves in so many ways. I admire that. And it makes me sad that I, at the time, couldn't be on that side. Or chose not to stay there.

At the same time I must say that the choices I have made, the side I have been on and the ideology that runs through it has given me an immense amount of pride and strength. I am not going to deny that and I am not going to regret that. But I think that it is time for me to build up many other sides of me and realize that not all of me has to fit in that frame. There is no need for a philosophy that permeats everything I do. I can be everything I want to at the same time and I shouldn't have to justify that to anyone, not even myself. I just wish I could have realized that earlier, instead of spending the last two (or more) years just trying to fit everything into some kind of mold. Or something like that. All this makes it sound like I'm incredibly one dimensional, and I can promise you that I am not. I have more dimension than you can probably guess (someone close to me once said that she was surprised that I could still surprise her by showing her new sides of myself after knowing each other for so long. Unfortunately they where not all good.). What I mean is that they don't have to fall neatly into the same basket. They need not be related. No red thread is needed. Something like that. But it is hard to think differently, and I don't know how to do it really. Everytime I try, a little part of me is saying "you are selling out, you are betraying what you are." And that is not a nice feeling. You want to be able to look yourself in the mirror.

But this feels like the start of Ende Neu.




Johnny Cash Lyrics
Drive On Lyrics

Anyways, I recommend everyone that can (especially males) to read "med uppenbar känsla för stil." It won't take you very long (I finished it in under 3 hours) but it is really spot on. I don't know if there is anything in the book that I disagree with. It is incredibly true and because it is true it is incredibly sad (I almost started to cry a couple of times when I read it because I recognized what I am and what I am not). It explains why we have machismo (in lack of a better word) to blame for so much and how it permeats every aspect of life. That we can't go or do anything without being our genders in the first place, not even if we want to. Read it. It's an order.

But I also recommend that you read that, "Klass - Är du fin nog" by Annelie Jordahl, the "Football Factory"-trilogy by John King, "Mitt förnamn är Ronny" by Ronny Ambjörnsson and maybe "Amon the Thugs" by Bill Buford if you want to see and understand where I am coming from in some small way. Yes, I know that there is probably a dozen or so books by highly skilled scholars dealing with the same subject and probably manages to explain parts of it quite well but I doubt that the really get it, that they really understand why people act like they do on their own emotional level. And I doubt that they can convey that understanding to reader properly, on an emotional level. It like book about neo nazism. There's hundreds of reports about kids from socially 'challenged' areas, explaining how they search for some point and meaning. But that doesn't make you understand the hate they feel. Not really. It makes you understand that they hate and why they hate, but not the hate in itself. It is like that.

Anyways, those are the books that I mostly recognize (parts of) myself in. Unfortunately.

Therapy?

I don't know... Strangely enough these last two weeks have been OK. No major meltdowns, no major fuck ups, no major drama. And it makes everything clearer. It makes it so much sadder in some ways.

I just CAN'T talk about some things. Physically can't. I try (and it is better now) but every time I try I choke up and I feel like I'm about to throw up. And I feel fuckin raped and abused for just thinking about the way I feel. And it's better, it gets better. But it is still so hard. And at the same time that it gets easier it gets som much harder.

I'm just... No matter how horrible these past 6 months have been, there has at least been a sence of freedom in them. But it is disappearing now. The sense of "I can do anything because nothing matters and there's just one thing I care about", it is going away. I feel the fear of showing myself week again. And it is affecting... Everything. It's harder and harder to open up to my counselor. Less and less to talk about. Well, not less and less to talk about, but it is harder and harder to talk about it. Harder and harder to be truthful. Harder and harder to feel like I can give her everything, because I am afraid to show myself stupid and weak.

I feel so closed of. Like at least 50% of the world is off limits to me now. And that is new feeling. It has been there for years. I think I had some pause in it the first years of the relationship, because somehow I felt that there where places for me out there. And then... It just felt like thre wasn't. And it got worse. But I had a bit of a bridge to them. Sort of. Now I just feel... Outcast. Pariah. Leper. Persona non grata. I don't feel I have the ability to combine myself with the rest of the world. In any way. I feel like a clown, like a poseur. I have this constant feeling that I must show the world that I reject it before it rejects me. And at the same time I want to be a part of it.

And somehow it has been made perfectly clear that I am not wrong. And in another way the world lies before my feet. It's just that I want it to want me there. To find me interesting, special and bla bla bla. I don't want to have to compromise to be let in. I don't want to find another mask to be let in.

I hate people.
I hate the human race.

Once again I feel like Grenouille.

And I feel like I can't do what I want either, because it would be so stupid in the eyes of the world. Like wearing corpse paint when you ain't in a band and you ain't on stage.

I don't know where I fit in.

I feel like I am playing. Like I'm a kid that's just finished a drawing and the parents says "that's really nice" when in reality it's just shit.

I just feel so wrong among people. That they can see that I'm faking it. I'm not afraid of them seeing the "real" me or how bad I feel or how worthless I think I am. It is much more superficial than that. And it bugs me to fucking death. So stupid, so fucked up, so wrong, so childish, so silly. I mean, come on! Eveyone else looks and acts like total idiots. I'm a fucking king among men in that departement! But no. It obviously doesn't work like that.

I'm a fool.

Does everybody feel like this? I'm starting to believe that they do.

I wish I didn't feel so alone.

Absalom

I'm worried. Not about myself (well, I am that too, but that is not what this is about) or my life. No. I am worried about the people around me, the people I love and care about. Noone seems to be even remotely happy. Everybody just seem to try and get through the day. At best.

Is this what it means to be human? Is it? Everything seems so... Untypical. Behaviour seems so... Erratic, almost. I'm worried.

I'm so tired. Tired to the bone. Tired in my soul. A hundred years old going on eternity.

I don't understand why I can't let myself cry with anyone else. I don't understand why my tounge just becomes limp at it is impossible for me to utter a single word when I feel really bad.

I hate this world and I hate everything that has shaped me. I hate the rules, I hate the codes, I hate the expectations, I hate the stereotypes, I hate everything that is expected of me. If I could choose exactely what kind of being I was I would choose something without sex/gender, age, race, species and class. But I can't choose. And people might say "make the best of the situation" but they are totally missing the point. I don't want the situation. I'd rather disappear from the face of the earth than follow all these enslaving rules. But at the same time I just see myself following them and rejoice in the secutiry they give me.

Sometimes you wish that you could hsve remained ignorant. Not knowing, not caring.

Watches & Guns

The watch I bought reminds me of something. Of a certain act, a certain feeling. But first things first. I have the watch in my pocket. I don't use it, but I have it with me. I am however quite scared that someone will see it. Because it is silly. First of all, no one wears a watch anymore. Second, it is a pocket watch. It is not really something that you carry around with you if you want people to take you seriously.

It reminds me of when I was a kid and played with toy guns and stuff for a longer (much longer) time than my 'peers'. I sometimes would carry a toy gun in my pocket, or a toy knife or something else. Probably because it made it possible for me to imagine that I was someone else. And I was always terrified that I would be found out, because if you are over a certain age you don't play with toys. There was no way that the other kids would see me as I imagined myself. They would laugh and everything would be even worse. It feels like that with the watch. But I don't know who or what I am imagining myself to be. But I am starting to get the feeling that that imagining, that act of make believe didn't stop there and start again here. I get the feeling that it is something I have always done. Dressing up, making myself someone else, something else. It definitely feels like that is part of what I am doing now. I think that is why I am so afraid of someone seeing through me, seeing when I don't know the rules, seeing when I mess up. Because then I once again will be the kid with the toy gun (or, in fact, the kid with the My Little Pony in his desk). The mask will inevetably fall. You know what I am saying?

To think that I have been so shaped by those years. I believe that most of it happened during 3 years. It scares me, because what have the other 22 years of history in store for me?

The idea that other people could possibly understand me is still something I find hard to believe in.

I remember when I drew a heart in lipstick on her bathroom mirror. I remember her frown when she saw that. I also remember that she let it stay for a long time, but mostly I remember her frown.

I hate this society based on consumption. I don't hate it because it fills our lives with things instead of meaning or any of that hippie bullshit. I hate it because I am not a part of it. I am not a part of that or anything else. Always slightly on the outside, never fully in the know. Never part of those that makes the rules or get away with breaking them. Never part of any society or any scene, always the one to be picked last for the team when it's time to play football. And if I where to be picked earlier it would be (in my mind) an act of misguided altruism and therefore quite humiliating. And still...

How do you do to be yourself? Can you be yourself? Isn't everyone, in one way or the other, just a reflection of the rest of the world?

I don't know if I want to go out and get really drunk or if I just want to go home to my couch (which shall soon be upgraded to a bed) and read and think. I don't really want to think anymore. But I don't want to get hung over either.

Feyyadin

It seems that I might be wrong about the events in Britain. Seems like al-Qaida might have been involved anyway. They sure is getting sloppy.

On a side note: 9/11.
People say that it is an impossibility that it was an inside job/false flag-operation, because if you conducted an operation that large information would have to leak out.

1.Basic Black Ops.-knowledge is that everyone is on a 'need to know'-basis. I seriously doubt that all the 19 involved terrorists knew of each other. Hell, I doubt Mohammed Atta knew about the whole scope of the operation. What this means is basically that the available information that could leak out (and that did leak out) was probably kept to an extreme minimum.

2. People seem to imagine that just because this might have been orchestrated by the american administration, it wasn't a genuine attack. Just about everybody involved is/was probably convinced that the where/are a part of an Islamic movement, except 1 or 2 guys somewhere near the American top (I doubt they are a real part of the administration, but I'll bet my ass that they paid a couple of bucks to get the administration where it is)that know what's going on.

Now, I don't believe that 9/11 was an inside job. Why? Because I don't really believe conspiracy theories. It's to neat. My basic belief is that the world isn't run by some sort of organisation. It's 'run' by industrialists and capitalist all over the world just trying to make an extra million. The could take the power over the world if they wanted to, but their greed makes them shortsighted. It's all just one short sighted move after another, and the subsequent move is either to cover an ass or to make som more money. I doubt that anyone in USA helped with 9/11, but I think that what happens now is basically just a way for the american arms industry to justify it's existance. And to make money, of course.

Something else that has annoyed me today are leftist who treat information like propaganda. Moderaterna, the largest party in Sweden isn't fascists or nazis. Sure, the have a bit of a brown history, but that was 60 years ago. The people involved then are dead now. I hate Moderaterna. They are right wing, capitalist-hugging, working class-oppressing, neo-liberal scum fucks. But they ain't nazis. Or fascists. Just because something is right wing doesnt mean that it have anything in common with the extreme right. Just because you want it to be so doesn't make it so. Not that the extremists are that right wing anyway. In a discussion with a fascist (self procclaimed) he described the fascistic economical system as "national socialism", basically meaning a socialism that isn't internationalistic (kind of an impossibility in todays society since capitalism is extremely internationalistic). What makes them right wing extremists is the etnocenthricity, the sexism, the bullshit machismo ("war is to man what maternity is to women" etc.), the anti liberalism and the authoritarianism. I've overheard discussions discussions between communists and members of Blood & Honor, and the only part where they differed is in the attitude towards race, sexism and nationalism. The key difference is that nazism is socialism (and I'm talking about nazism today, mostly) that places the largest emphasis on race. Solidarity with the race instead of class.

Let me make something quite clear: I hate nationalism. Feeling proud to belong to a geograpically defined administrative surface that thinks that it has something in common because the powers that be figured nationalism was a good way to organize people. Fuck off. Same with racism. Stoopid fucking shit. I'll quote a personal hero here (Arne Anka) about the motivating factors behind racism: a feeling of "I can't do anything, I don't know anything, I don't want anything, but my race is the best in the world." White pride? Why should I be proud for being white? I had nothing to do with it. I am proud of my own achievements instead. Because I can.

Something else that is funny: the same person who thought that rightwing=nazi also thought that mandatory service in the army was the basis of oppression of women anf homofobia. Now, I'm sorry, but fags got killed and women oppressed way before 1901, when we got "allmän värnplikt." What I think that you have a beef with is the macho warrior culture that has been dominant since... forever. Men fight, not women. Women get penetrated, not men. That has been coupled with the beliefs that if a man wasn't involved it wasn't really sex and that there wasn't really two sexes. Just men, and unfinished men (=women). And if a man was treated in a way that only women was to be treated (got beaten, had sex done to them instead of from them.) well, then obiously he wasn't really a man. He was unfinished. Like a woman. And we can't have inperfect creatures running around, posing as perfect, now can we? Mandatory service is just a symptom of this, as most organized violence is. I mean, look at the Vatican State. They have a really tiny mercenary army from Switzerland armed with pikes. And they are still quite homophobic and sexist. I'll bet you they are even more homophobic and sexist there than we are here, and still... We have (more or less) mandatory service.

I just hate idiots. I think I hate them even more when they are potentially on my side. Because I expect more. I hate the hypocrisy. We are for free speech and political freedoms and equality and all those cuddly things but nazis shouldn't be allowed to speak their mind. Excuse me?

Fuck off. I hate idiots. And I don't suffer fools.

Summertime Blues

Yeah. My Baby left today. Not forever, but for a week. Can't sleep alone. Or to be more precise, I have a problem with going to sleep alone. Doesn't seem to be a reason to go to sleep when you are alone. Especially when you don't have anything to get up to in the mornings.

But I'll guess it will workitself out. It always does, somehow.

Met up with friends S & J today. Real nice. Spent a couple of hours wandering about town and eating and stuff. But I have the same problem I always have with people. I feel like I take up too much time and space. I always end up holding a lecture about something to people, and you don't reallt want to lecture your friends, even when it's about something silly like japanese nationalism and stuff like that. Plus, I think that S needs the space and attention right now. She doesn't seem to feel that good these days. And I think I understand why. But I don't know how to bring it up. And I don't want to bring it up when we are not alone. Still, it was a good day.

On another note: don't you feel that the al-Qaida panic in the UK is a bit... I mean, if it was al-Qaida planting these car bombs and stuff, they have become very clumsy. Think about it: when they do things they are brilliantly planned, quite complicated (like setting of charges at different times for maximum effect) tactical works of terrorist art. Someone setting a car on fire and rolling (or the other way around) it into an airport... Feels like the little league.

And how fitting isn't it that CIA just happened to find a Hizbollah-member amongst iraqi prisoners, who supposedly was in Irag on Irans mission, training Shia militias to kill american soldiers? Yeah, right. I mean, I have no doubt that Iran are supporting Shia militias in Irag (because Irans supports Shias everywhere), but I seriously doubt that they are actively encouraging these supportees to attack americans. Sure, they are religious fanatics, but the thing that people don't think about is the fact that they are pragmatic religious fanatics. And giving the US of A more of a reason to invade, or be otherwise aggressive... Naah. I mean, it's not like they are getting nukes because they want to blow up the world for Allah. They are doing it to get attention. Remember that the USA don acknowledge Iran as a legitimate state and regional power. Iran has previously promised to help transform both Hamas and Hizbollah to strictly poliical and social organisations in exchange for western recognition. But the US wouldn't give them that. Plus they started drawing up battle plans by throwing dart on a map of the middle east. And Iran has extrememly severe economical problems. So the nuclear program is basically a way for Iran to force the west to communicate with them directly (and it works), to tell the US to stay tha fuck away and to gather the people against a common enemy (Israel and the US. And it works) to take their minds of the fact that the live in an economical dung heap. I'm not saying that they aren't dangerous. I'm not saying that I support the regime. I'm just saying that they ain't insane.

Interesting little bit of fact: did you know that Iran had troops in Afghanistan fighting the taliban long before the US or any other western force?

Scared As Mice

I don't suffer fools. I don't. But I don't have the energy to argue with them for to long either.

But those of you that are able to read swedish should read this little post about the Islamic Rage Boy, written by a swedish senior citizen with a fundamentalist (in the words proper meaning, meaning that he thinks that Islam is only it's texts. And only the extreme ones.) view on islam. Now, I am no friend of islam. It is like all the abrahamitic religions first and foremost a tool of oppression, and a way of controlling and using poor and enraged people. BUT, like christianity is not only the crusades, child molesting priests, the IRA, The Lord's Resistance Army, American foreign policy, anti-semitism, fag bashing, support of Hutu Militias, Islam is not only Hamas, Al Qaeda and the talibans (interestingly enough, these three organisations are sunni, and we are most often used to think about the shia as the extremists).

Anyway, I battled a bit in his commentary field. Here's what I wrote:

Visst, fundamentalism finns i varje land. Titta bara på de svenska präster som inte vill acceptera homosexuella giftermål, homosexuella präster eller för den delen kvinnopräster. Bakåtsträvare eller rättrogna?

Opinionsbildare och politiker har uppenbarligen även ansträngt sig för att använda den hotfulle muslimen som medel för sina egna mål. Men där är det väl inte fråga om folk som "genom att underlåta att skaffa kunskap om islam" använder stereotyper för att främja sig själva, utan om 'sanningssägare'?

Självklart finner du kärnan för islamism i haditherna och koranen! Du hittar grunden för Westboro Baptist Church (http://www.godhatessweden.com) i bibeln. Stämmer deras åsikter och handlingar med majoriteten kristnas åsikter och handlingar?

Nej, muslimska länder verkar ha svårt för det där med demokrati. Det verkar vara något som väldigt många länder (om inte de flesta) utanför västvärlden har svårt för. Är det kristendomens fel att sydamerikanska stater militärkuppar till höger och vänster? Eller är det kanske sociala oroligheter och snedfördelad makt som ligger bakom? Hmmm... Kan det vara så att muslimska länder har problem med demokrati eftersom de har styrts av en elit i hundratals år och efter den elitens fall (det ottomanska riket då) har de styrts av lydprinsar som gått europas ärenden? Den demokratiska vanan är säkerligen väldigt dålig då. Bara en teori. Kanske stämmer, jag vet inte.

Alla dagens terrorister är inte muslimer. Av ca 500 terrordåd i europa under 2006 var 1 utfört av muslimer. Ca 10 var utförda av nazister, dubbelt så många utförda av vänsterextremister och resten utförda av separatister. I resten av världen (utanför Israel/Palestina) begås de flesta självmordsbombningarna av marxister.

Runt 90% av Koranen återfinns i Bibeln, give or take. Väljer man att vara bokstavstrogen kristen hamnar man lätt på samma ställe som talibaner. Till skillnad från kristendomen så finns det stöd för krig, och det är noggrant (såpass noggrant som en fjortonhundra år gammal text författad av en analfabet samt några hundra skrönor om hans liv nu kan vara. Men nya testamentet är inte så mycket bättre.) reglerat, såtillvida att man får bara ta till vapen mot islams fiender. Det är därför dom vrålar om jihad hela tiden. Jihad består för övrigt av Stora Jihad (dvs en kamp inom en själv för att bli en bättre muslim) och Lilla Jihad (försvara islam med vapen). Ordvalet i sig visar ju på vad Mohammad själv tyckte att man skulle prioritera.

Problemet är ju att kristendomen, judendomens och islams heliga skrifter är anakronistiska. Hur ska du kunna applicera levnadsregler och ideologier från en 1400 år (eller 1800 år? Eller 5000 år?) gammal text på dagens samhälle? Självklart är Koranen och Haditherna bitvis krigiska, islam föddes trots allt i ett område som uttnyttjades som bricka i kampen mellan Byzans och Persien, med en befolkning som till största delen bestod av ickecentraliserade stammar.

Haditherna är berättelser om Mohammads liv och leverne. Mohammad betraktas som en perfekt människa och som det ultimata föredömet.

Det intressanta med haditherna och tolkningarna av dem och koranen är hur flexibla de är. Bland annat så hittar man både stöd för och emot månggifte i dem, beroende på hur man läser (det perfekta antalet fruar sägs vara fyra, men enbart Mohammad var ju perfekt och är därför den enda (tillsammans med hans homie Gud) som kan ha flera fruar). Iran har hittat (snarare anpassat sin läsning efter omständigheterna) hadither som talar FÖR att kvinnor ska kunna arbeta som advokater, trots att det hittills varit förbjudet. Läs till exempel ‘The Veil And The Male Elite’ av Fatima Mernissi för fler exempel.

Min slutpoäng är denna: Visst, islamism är ett hot mot västerländska, humanistiska idéer. Men hardcore kristendom är lika illa (om än sämre beväpnade). Läs gamla testamentet och man ser uppmuntran av både folkmord, rasism och etnisk rensning. Visst, Islam blir mer inflytelserikt i väst. Men precis som det är skillnad på Westboro Baptist Church och Svenska Kyrkan så är det skillnad på al Qaida och moskén på söder, och lika lite som jag tror att Svenska Kyrkan kommer uppmuntra till krig och förstörelse (trots den stora mängd av texter de kan stödja sig på), lika litet tror jag att Mehmet som städar här i huset kommer självmordsbomba mig. Och gör han det har det säkerligen mer med hans utsatta sociala läge att göra än hans religiösa tillhörighet.

Funny

I actually went out with some class mates the other day and managed to stay quite sober. But somehow I got in a fight with some girl. A stranger. Won't bore you with the details, but it ended up with her just being a total jerk with absolutely no political analyzing skills whatsoever and the rethoric of a demented five year old and me kindly enlightening her of those facts. Plus I told her she was more stupid than the nazis, wich made her run away and cry. I think she was jewish.

I feel a bit bad about the last part. Not about making her sad or upset, but making her sad and upset with something that had to do with the original discussion would have made everything much better.

Anyways, she was a moron and a jerk. And I feel remarkably good about myself. Or not as bad as I usually would have in a situation like this. I wonder if it is the lack of alcohol or if it is because I was right and won?

Vae Victis

Swedish speaking readers should check out this: http://vedebesegrade.blogspot.com/2006/02/vi-historiefrfalskare-behandlas-olika.html About revisionism and holocaust "denial" and why it is totally silly to ban it.

Otherwise: Akitsa and Thesyre rules my world. Totally brilliant canadian black metal. Canada, eh? Feels strange, but I guess it's just about as strange as black metal coming from sweden. However, check it out. Thesyre is really good, but I must say that Akitsa is almost magical. Check out "magie et veritas" on their myspace. The drums are incredibly simplistic, but really good (sort of. I like it.).