I wish... I wish it didn't feel like I was always making people feel nervous. Uneasy. No, correction. I wish I wasn't making people feel nervous and uneasy. I wish it wasn't my defensen. I wish it wasn't my way of... I wish I could just let it go. But old and bad habits die hard.
Fuck. It just makes me so sad. On the other hand I believe it has served me quite well from time to time. I just wish it was more of a tool than a side of me. I got to learn to control it more.
I don't know... I'm just sad. All the time. There is a part of me that just won't let go. Just keeps me chained to a barren history. Just makes me see shit I can't do nuthin' about now. It's fucked.
I'm fucked.
And you know... I don't want anyone back or anything. It's just that it had been nice if it had worked. And maybe that I didn't have so many regrets, you know?
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know! My head is like a beehive with everything just buzzing around inside my head and I don't know what it is or where it's going to land or be or what I really want or anything! I hate this! I hate hate hate it! I don't know anything anymore.
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