Dies Irae

I look at people, and I think. I think about them. I look at the way they present themselves to the world and I wonder. I wonder if the choose to look bland or if they just don't understand any better. If they are scared or if they are stupid, limited and shallow? Or if they just don't care?

Sometimes I think that I might see something about myself. That whatever I have put myself through, or have been put through, it has in many ways hardened me. In a good way. Strengthened me. It is something that many people does not have any experience of.
My problem is just this: I don't know where the limits are. And what I am afraid of is scaring people of. Or rather, I am afraid of scaring people. I mean, OK if they don't like me. OK if we have nothing in common. OK. But what if I in some way scares someone? I don't like that. I have never thought of myself as scary or intimidating or someone that would make someone else ill at ease. And piece by piece I learn that that might not be the way the rest of the world view me. That there actually might be people that find me intimidating. Silly people, maybe. But still. It just shows how much of an abyss there can be between people.

I don't know... I just don't know people. You know what I mean? I'm not surpsised if you don't. I hardly do myself. I just know that when I look at people, when I really look at them when I am out and about, what really strikes me is how scared som many of them seem. And the second thing that strikes me is that I don't even think that most of them know what they are afraid of.

But I can't really explain how I know this. But I know that sometimes I get a glimpse of someones eyes or their expression or just the way they carry themselves or their clothes that either say that they don't have a clue about what the rest of the world really is about or that they don't really give a fuck. Some sort of beauty down there in them. Some sort of "them".
And then there are the people that know and use it. I don't know what to think when it comes to them.