Oder was?

I'm something of a mess right now. Maybe. Maybe not. Things are just spinning around and I can't grab them.

Bleargh.

I feel parts of myself retreating. Retreating back to how I used to be (correction; how I am). Maybe. And at the same time I don't. The more things change the more they stay the same.

I'm feeling quite sardonic. All I really want to do is sitting in a bar, in a corner, sipping dry martinis and look at the world in contempt.

Sort of. Maybe. That's the thing, you know. Nothing is very lucid, if it has ever been that.

I feel a bit dead. And everything I do is just a way of fighting of that feeling. No, not the feeling. The realization. To give myself some illusion, if only for a few moments. And it's kind of hard when you feel like you have absolutely NO interests. No real interests. Just things to keep the realization at bay. Just something to kill time, until time will kill me.

Nothing burns in me. If ever it has.

Got to go to sleep now.

C U.