Rag Doll

Some mistakes you keep on doing. Until you made them for the last time. Hopefully.

I should have known. I should have known. Serves me right, I guess. In some demented way I'm almost laughing inside because in some twisted way it feels like a fitting anniversary.

Hopefully I have learned to stop doing things for others. To stop trying. I mean, I have already killed of a pretty large portion of the empathy that I once had. I guess there's a bit more to eradicate.

Or should I do it in some other way? Like giving people specified contracts instead of trusting them to be able to use their own judgement? I don't know, I guess the judgement was used, but things I wanted taken into calculation wasn't and things I wasn't aware of was. Or something. I should just have kept my mouth shut, but what kind of friend would I be then?

I guess I might be accused of being unfair. And maybe I am. But I guess that I am just tired of taking some kind of responsibility, of caring for people when they don't seem to be able to do it for me and then trying to see things "objectively" and from the "moral higher ground" and all that shit. So fuck honour. I guess it really has no place left in the world or my life. And I should know. I got this because I obviously betrayed a trust. A trust I should have been able to figure out if this urge to help (or whatever you want to call it) wasn't there. I'm just pissed of and disappointed at the fact that I put myself ind a difficult position and that wasn't taken into consideration. But somehow I am not surprised.

So... There you have it.