I was listening to Robyn today. I really like her latest album. But today it made me, quite unexpected, a bit sad. And after a while I figured out why. The songs that make me sad, they aren't MY songs. And it ain't just Robyn. There are a few musicians/albums/songs that I only (if ever) listen to when I am an emotional masochist, songs and albums that have little or nothing to do with my feelings but more to do with me thinking that the song reflects someone elses emotions.
Sometimes I don't know what is me and what is me mimicing something else. Me watching the world and trying to learn how to behave instead of behaving like ME. Whatever field of my life look at I see someone or something else than myself. Me trying to adapt instead of adapting it to me. Sometimes I wish I just had the courage or the simple minded ignorance to NOT feel compelled to learning rules and codes. To just DO and not having to fear (or not realizing that there is something to fear) to come of as a simpleton.
It's strange how you can't let go of things.
There is no honour left in the world. Only feeding of the ego and the self. No honour, no real glory. Maybe it's a good thing, people acting like themselves (but thereby showing how small and impotent their souls are) instead of creating rules for themselves that they just get upset when they try to follow. God knows I am not innocent.
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