I've always thought of myself as even-tempered. Maybe I am, but that doesn't make me a good or fair person. I have recently noticed how my mood differs from hour to hour. I mostly spend the days at home with feeling antisocial and sorry for myself, the afternoons with a sense of panic in my guts and the evenings somewhat at ease. It's got something to do with how every day is full of promises, and me being convinced that it isn't for me.
I have also been contemplating 'right', 'responsibility' and pragmatism. Sometimes maybe it isn't someones responsibility to do something but in order to make something happen you have to do it. But now I don't know if that's me. Or if it ever was. Or I'm 'right'.
It's so difficult to put it in words. I know that I haven't acted right in every situation, but that doesn't meen that I have been wrong. Or that the situation is my fault. And now a decision I tried to make (no, I did make it) over 6 months ago has once again been made over my head. Makes me wanna act an outright cunt and disrespect it but that ain't even a possibility for so many reasons.
Nah, fuck it. Let it be.
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