I just realized something.
This fall you haven't noticed me.
You don't listen when I speak.
You don't remember things I have told you (granted, you have always had a bit of selective memory).
You haven't noticed what I've done to you (as you yourself confessed yesterday), or maybe for you are better words. Not that I did a lot, or enough. I just did more than usually.
And to think that I was actually thinking that we where moving forwards in some areas.
I'm not being fair now, I know.
A notice to you who might be following this blog. You can comment now, if you would like, for some reason. Also, I am at the moment saving up some enormous buckets of soul bile in the drafts section. One day they might be here. Or they might not. Let me know if you might want them or see them or whatever. Or don't.
I don't know why I'm writing this. Is kind of cowardly.
I don't like me right now. I'm so paranoid, I could run the KGB. I'm ashamed of myself. Sometimes I don't know what my limits are, when push comes to shove.
Everything is a last goodbye. It feels like it.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
'Allo 'allo 'emliga armén.
About 3 to 4 minutes in...
"It used to be more humourous because in england the second world war was highly humourous, and nazis especially, up until the anti nazi thing came along and it suddenly became not alowed to take the mick out of nazis somehow, because if you where, it meant you where one."
-Billy Childish
Too fucking true. Idiots and assholes everywhere.
And also totally brilliant when he divides the western world in to people making cappuccinos and people drinking it.
"It used to be more humourous because in england the second world war was highly humourous, and nazis especially, up until the anti nazi thing came along and it suddenly became not alowed to take the mick out of nazis somehow, because if you where, it meant you where one."
-Billy Childish
Too fucking true. Idiots and assholes everywhere.
And also totally brilliant when he divides the western world in to people making cappuccinos and people drinking it.
Perhaps Premature
refering back to earlier posts...
"...There is no morality that alone makes moral, and every ethic that affirms itself exclusively kills too much good strength and costs humanity too dearly."
F. Nietzsche - The Dawn, Aphorism 164
Stole the whole shebang from Indy. Check it out.
"...There is no morality that alone makes moral, and every ethic that affirms itself exclusively kills too much good strength and costs humanity too dearly."
F. Nietzsche - The Dawn, Aphorism 164
Stole the whole shebang from Indy. Check it out.
White Punks On Hope
They said that we were trash,
Well the name is Crass, not Clash.
They can stuff their punk credentials
Cause it's them that take the cash.
They won't change nothing with their fashionable talk,
All their RAR badges and their protest walk,
Thousands of white men standing in a park,
Objecting to racism's like a candle in the dark.
Black man's got his problems and his way to deal with it,
So don't fool yourself you're helping with your white liberal shit.
If you care to take a closer look at the way things really stand,
You'd see we're all just niggers to the rulers of this land.
Punk was once an answer to years of crap,
A way of saying no where we'd always said yep.
But the moment we saw a way to be free,
They invented a dividing line, street credibility.
The qualifying factors are politics and class,
Left wing macho street fighters willing to kick arse.
They said because of racism they'd come out on the street.
It was just a form of fascism for the socialist elite.
Bigotry and blindness, a marxist con,
Another clever trick to keep us all in line.
Neat little labels to keep us all apart,
To keep us all divided when the troubles start.
Pogo on a nazi, spit upon a jew,
Vicious mindless violence that offers nothing new.
Left wing violence, right wing violence, all seems much the same,
Bully boys out fighting, it's just the same old game.
Boring fucking politics that'll get us all shot,
Left wing, right wing, you can stuff the lot.
Keep your petty prejudice, I don't see the point,
ANARCHY AND FREEDOM IS WHAT I WANT!
By: Crass
I have never been a great Crass-fan. Their politics might have been something 30 years ago, but it has all become stale now. Plus they really remind me of all those 'holier than thou'-crusties. But this song... It is brilliant. The lyrics are brilliant. It really says something about the autonomous left and the antifa of today. They are gangs, who think that they fight for the working class. But they are just gangs, like all other gangs. If i remember correctly the Crips is an offshoot of the Black Panthers. It is just like that. The antifa look out for the antifa and imagine that that is the same thing as looking out for the working class (but you'll let the working class end up in the middle when you show your power). They are not fighting for a political vision (and they are very clear about that), they are fighting for their material gains here and now. And without the vision, that means nothing. So they mean nothing. Nothing more than "bully boys out fighting, it's just the same old game." One more gang to be scared of, one more group who think they have the right to have opinions about me.
Give it 15 years with the same lame ass nazis that we have now ('coz once there was a real reason for a violent antifa) and we'll see how political the movement is. It is all starting to look like Bandidos vs Hells Angels, and can someone really spot the difference between tose groups (apart from the vests, that is)? Yet, they are there as a reaction to eachother.
Anyone who thinks that violence is nothing but a last resort can fuck off. These people are against american foreign policy, but act just like the Bush-administration. Not just preventive strikes (like hitting someone before they hit you) but preemptive strikes (hitting someone so they don't dare hit you) seems to be perfectly acceptable. As long as you don't do it under an american flag.
No, now I got to go back to my bible studies.
Well the name is Crass, not Clash.
They can stuff their punk credentials
Cause it's them that take the cash.
They won't change nothing with their fashionable talk,
All their RAR badges and their protest walk,
Thousands of white men standing in a park,
Objecting to racism's like a candle in the dark.
Black man's got his problems and his way to deal with it,
So don't fool yourself you're helping with your white liberal shit.
If you care to take a closer look at the way things really stand,
You'd see we're all just niggers to the rulers of this land.
Punk was once an answer to years of crap,
A way of saying no where we'd always said yep.
But the moment we saw a way to be free,
They invented a dividing line, street credibility.
The qualifying factors are politics and class,
Left wing macho street fighters willing to kick arse.
They said because of racism they'd come out on the street.
It was just a form of fascism for the socialist elite.
Bigotry and blindness, a marxist con,
Another clever trick to keep us all in line.
Neat little labels to keep us all apart,
To keep us all divided when the troubles start.
Pogo on a nazi, spit upon a jew,
Vicious mindless violence that offers nothing new.
Left wing violence, right wing violence, all seems much the same,
Bully boys out fighting, it's just the same old game.
Boring fucking politics that'll get us all shot,
Left wing, right wing, you can stuff the lot.
Keep your petty prejudice, I don't see the point,
ANARCHY AND FREEDOM IS WHAT I WANT!
By: Crass
I have never been a great Crass-fan. Their politics might have been something 30 years ago, but it has all become stale now. Plus they really remind me of all those 'holier than thou'-crusties. But this song... It is brilliant. The lyrics are brilliant. It really says something about the autonomous left and the antifa of today. They are gangs, who think that they fight for the working class. But they are just gangs, like all other gangs. If i remember correctly the Crips is an offshoot of the Black Panthers. It is just like that. The antifa look out for the antifa and imagine that that is the same thing as looking out for the working class (but you'll let the working class end up in the middle when you show your power). They are not fighting for a political vision (and they are very clear about that), they are fighting for their material gains here and now. And without the vision, that means nothing. So they mean nothing. Nothing more than "bully boys out fighting, it's just the same old game." One more gang to be scared of, one more group who think they have the right to have opinions about me.
Give it 15 years with the same lame ass nazis that we have now ('coz once there was a real reason for a violent antifa) and we'll see how political the movement is. It is all starting to look like Bandidos vs Hells Angels, and can someone really spot the difference between tose groups (apart from the vests, that is)? Yet, they are there as a reaction to eachother.
Anyone who thinks that violence is nothing but a last resort can fuck off. These people are against american foreign policy, but act just like the Bush-administration. Not just preventive strikes (like hitting someone before they hit you) but preemptive strikes (hitting someone so they don't dare hit you) seems to be perfectly acceptable. As long as you don't do it under an american flag.
No, now I got to go back to my bible studies.
Smithereens.
Some days... This has been maybe one of the shitties days for a long long time. And this autumn haven't been that good. Apart from the fact that I am panicing about my fucking essay that's due monday (about 10 pages to be handed in. Written = 0.) my computer is broken. So I handed it in like 2 weeks ago, after trying all the things I could do, including erasing everything and starting fresh. Didn't work. Still wont start. So I figured I'd let the pros do it. They drop me an e-mail and says "it's fixed, but since it was a software problem, the guarantee wont cover it. You owe us 813 SEK." That's a bit juicy, considering all they did was reinsall the OS, but what the hell. I need the computer and it is not like it was a secret that I might end up paying for it. So I go to InLife and get the computer. Ask the what was wrong. They don't know. But it is fixed. "Ok" I say and pay up. Whatever. I guess they know what they are doing. After all, I pay them enough. So I go out to the university to study (and I fuck that shit up to) and after a couple of hours I feel like taking a brake so I reckon I'll play around with the computer for a while.
So.
I press the start button.
And.
The same problem I had from before I handed it in to InLife is still there. It won't start properly. It makes the little start up noise, and then nothing. Just blue screen. FOR HOURS.
Fucking idiots.
OK, 2 possibilites.
1) They are idiots and some fucking mouthbreathing idiot figured that you don't have to test the computer after you fixed it to see if you actually fixed it. Especially since the report I left said "re-installed OS SEVERAL times." In Mac nerd that probably means "I don't have to do my job" or something.
2) They didn't fix it. The didn't even try. They are trying to squeeze all my money from me. The did a damage search for it (in Mac Nerd that means looking at it and saying "yup, it's broken. That'll be 800 SEK, thank you very much."), but nothing else, so now I have to go back and they'll do another damage search. And I'll have to pay for that. And THEN they will do the repairs.
If it is option 2, I swear I will kill someone.
I don't know if it is ZOG or the freemasons, but someone is out to get me.
I did a joke like that today, actually. Said that I thought that Zion was after me. Didn't get that good of a reaction. So I said "or maybe it is the freemasons", and people said (together) "oh, it's the masons. Hahaha." That's so nice of you. Really nice. Being all shocked because I make a silly joke about a stupid conspiracy theory about one religious group that was mass murdered by the nazis, but acting all relieved when I give you the option to think the same thing about another religious group that was being mass murdered by the nazis. So PC of you.
If I ever start a band, our first T-shirt slogan will be "Always Political - Always Incorrect." Or maybe 'uncorrect'.
So.
I press the start button.
And.
The same problem I had from before I handed it in to InLife is still there. It won't start properly. It makes the little start up noise, and then nothing. Just blue screen. FOR HOURS.
Fucking idiots.
OK, 2 possibilites.
1) They are idiots and some fucking mouthbreathing idiot figured that you don't have to test the computer after you fixed it to see if you actually fixed it. Especially since the report I left said "re-installed OS SEVERAL times." In Mac nerd that probably means "I don't have to do my job" or something.
2) They didn't fix it. The didn't even try. They are trying to squeeze all my money from me. The did a damage search for it (in Mac Nerd that means looking at it and saying "yup, it's broken. That'll be 800 SEK, thank you very much."), but nothing else, so now I have to go back and they'll do another damage search. And I'll have to pay for that. And THEN they will do the repairs.
If it is option 2, I swear I will kill someone.
I don't know if it is ZOG or the freemasons, but someone is out to get me.
I did a joke like that today, actually. Said that I thought that Zion was after me. Didn't get that good of a reaction. So I said "or maybe it is the freemasons", and people said (together) "oh, it's the masons. Hahaha." That's so nice of you. Really nice. Being all shocked because I make a silly joke about a stupid conspiracy theory about one religious group that was mass murdered by the nazis, but acting all relieved when I give you the option to think the same thing about another religious group that was being mass murdered by the nazis. So PC of you.
If I ever start a band, our first T-shirt slogan will be "Always Political - Always Incorrect." Or maybe 'uncorrect'.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Hybridization, syncretisation, bastardization
Subcultures are interesting. Especially these days, from my perspective. I don't know if I'm leaving the whole thing or if I'm just leaving one to embrace severla others. Or if I'm leaving anything. I have kept it remarkably clean, I think. And there is not much I wear these days that I would not have worn 5 years ago.
I don't know... You used to go to a gig and try to wear the most 'true' shirt there was. The you started to wear shirts that where 'wrong' (i.e. punk shirts) to show some distance (and metal shirt at punk gigs). Now I don't know... I would like to wear like Genocide Organ-shirts or Grey Wolves-shirts or Con-Dom-shirts or TG-shirts or something like that, but I really think that would just go right over peoples heads. Totally pointless, because the point is not that people should think you are a nazi but that they should think.
So I am really really happy with the redbluewhite-stripesquarey Lee western shirt I just got because it looks awesome and it means I really don't have to deal with the issue mentioned above.
Me and Julius discussed things like this once. About not liking people who treats their subcultural life as some sort of hobby. You know what I mean? People restricting their life to only incorporate their subculture. People who choose clothes based on if it looks 'metal' enough instead of choosing them based on personal taste. People who maybe just should stay at home and collect stamps instead. It is your life. Live it, don't fake it.
Don't get me wrong. I have the greatest respect for people who really belong to a subculture (as for example the guys in Nifelheim), but in those cases it is just as much a case of fitting other interests in to the culture as it is of doing it right. The things they do more or less become automatically metal because they are the ones doing it. Like L. Just about everything about everything she does is 'goth' (actually, she makes it bigger than that and it is almost a case of Weberian ideal types) in one way or the other, because that is how she does it. It could be no other way. It is not a case of trying to be right and trying to follow the rules. It is a case of being right because it is you and being the rules, more or less.
I don't know how else to explain it. Some people try to be it and try to tell people what the rules are. They try to adapt themselves to their culture. Other people just can't do wrong because that's the way they are. They are just right. Or they make the deviances work for them. And others (and that's where I'm going, I think) just try to steal the parts we like and use them with or without (preferebly without, I think) the proper context. Hybridization, syncretisation, bastardization. I've always had more respect and love for mongrels and scavengers than I've had for pure breed prize winning champions.
Did I make up a new word there?
I don't know... You used to go to a gig and try to wear the most 'true' shirt there was. The you started to wear shirts that where 'wrong' (i.e. punk shirts) to show some distance (and metal shirt at punk gigs). Now I don't know... I would like to wear like Genocide Organ-shirts or Grey Wolves-shirts or Con-Dom-shirts or TG-shirts or something like that, but I really think that would just go right over peoples heads. Totally pointless, because the point is not that people should think you are a nazi but that they should think.
So I am really really happy with the redbluewhite-stripesquarey Lee western shirt I just got because it looks awesome and it means I really don't have to deal with the issue mentioned above.
Me and Julius discussed things like this once. About not liking people who treats their subcultural life as some sort of hobby. You know what I mean? People restricting their life to only incorporate their subculture. People who choose clothes based on if it looks 'metal' enough instead of choosing them based on personal taste. People who maybe just should stay at home and collect stamps instead. It is your life. Live it, don't fake it.
Don't get me wrong. I have the greatest respect for people who really belong to a subculture (as for example the guys in Nifelheim), but in those cases it is just as much a case of fitting other interests in to the culture as it is of doing it right. The things they do more or less become automatically metal because they are the ones doing it. Like L. Just about everything about everything she does is 'goth' (actually, she makes it bigger than that and it is almost a case of Weberian ideal types) in one way or the other, because that is how she does it. It could be no other way. It is not a case of trying to be right and trying to follow the rules. It is a case of being right because it is you and being the rules, more or less.
I don't know how else to explain it. Some people try to be it and try to tell people what the rules are. They try to adapt themselves to their culture. Other people just can't do wrong because that's the way they are. They are just right. Or they make the deviances work for them. And others (and that's where I'm going, I think) just try to steal the parts we like and use them with or without (preferebly without, I think) the proper context. Hybridization, syncretisation, bastardization. I've always had more respect and love for mongrels and scavengers than I've had for pure breed prize winning champions.
Did I make up a new word there?
bet you didn't see this one coming.
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Not Your Average Harry Potter Quiz created with QuizFarm.com | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| You scored as Hagrid Hagrid is wise and kind. He's huge, but inside he's just a big teddy bear with a soft spot for animals and a certain French female giantess. That said, he can kick ass, and he's served time in Azkaban, so he's no wuss.
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Saturday, November 17, 2007
Happy happy happy
Feeling quite good today. A whole lot of things are towering over me, but it feels OK.
Turned my computer in for service. It really chose the right month to break down in, since I got to start writing an essay really soon. But it will work out.
Still don't know when I'll get my money. Bummer. And my paycheck doesn't show up until next monday. Bummer.
But it feels OK. It probably won't feel this OK tomorrow, but it does now.
I'm thinking about writing a little piece about what's wrong with liberals, or more precise, neo-liberals. It will deal a lot with the subject of rationality and starting in the right end.
I'm still really intrigued by skinhead aestethics, but I have a hard time with the culture. Traditionalistic, elitistic, stuffy, macho, pointlessly violent, conservative, fetishistic. It's a museum culture. Plus I hate ska and reggae, and most oi! is really wimpy, melodic stuff. Not cool at all.
But it looks so good. I wish I was gay, so I could be a gay skin.
And I need more tattoos. I want to finish my arms and do something on my chest.
GIVE ME MONEY! I reckon about 30-40 000 SEK would cover both my arms.
Turned my computer in for service. It really chose the right month to break down in, since I got to start writing an essay really soon. But it will work out.
Still don't know when I'll get my money. Bummer. And my paycheck doesn't show up until next monday. Bummer.
But it feels OK. It probably won't feel this OK tomorrow, but it does now.
I'm thinking about writing a little piece about what's wrong with liberals, or more precise, neo-liberals. It will deal a lot with the subject of rationality and starting in the right end.
I'm still really intrigued by skinhead aestethics, but I have a hard time with the culture. Traditionalistic, elitistic, stuffy, macho, pointlessly violent, conservative, fetishistic. It's a museum culture. Plus I hate ska and reggae, and most oi! is really wimpy, melodic stuff. Not cool at all.
But it looks so good. I wish I was gay, so I could be a gay skin.
And I need more tattoos. I want to finish my arms and do something on my chest.
GIVE ME MONEY! I reckon about 30-40 000 SEK would cover both my arms.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Manic Depression
It's one of those days, you know? I try to keep it at bay. Try to think happy thoughts, or think about something else, do something else... Maybe EAT something to get some energy (I tend to get a bit depressed when my blood sugar is low). But not today. Doesn't work. Just some kind of hole opening up in front of me. And fittingly enough, I am at work. Great, splendid etc. I am out of here in 1.5 h, but then I got a fucking train ride home, and I am not looking forward to that.
It is very interesting how it is always the little things that destroys me. Little, pesky shit.
Maybe Prague was too good or something and now all the shit I should have felt comes all at once? Or maybe it's just me who has been a jerk and brought this on myself? Quite possible. I know that if some of the small things had not happend I would probably worry about something else.
If I could stay in my appartment for the rest of my life, I think I would. Just stay there with my cats and books and movies and records and not talk about it. Because talking about it just makes me feel even worse. It makes me feel just the same + shame, so no thanks.
But life is not so bad. Just gotta collect some debts, read some books, ant tidy up a bit. Then it will be alright.
On a lighter note, the Siebensünden/Teratologen-album is magnificent. They have to keep on collaborating.
Drop Dead Prague was maybe the most awesome time I have had in a long long time. I understand there has been talk about having it in Sweden the next time. I am not really in favour of that idea. If it was in Stockholm it would be great for me (since I live there), but Stockholm is an expensive city to be a tourist in. Part of the fun in Prague was you could drink your head of every night and still have money left to buy CDs, shirts and food on the way home. You could eat really good food really cheap. That ain't gonna happen in Sweden. I would prefer Tallin or Riga. Or maybe even Portugal. Preferebly not Poland. Too many catholics.
It is very interesting how it is always the little things that destroys me. Little, pesky shit.
Maybe Prague was too good or something and now all the shit I should have felt comes all at once? Or maybe it's just me who has been a jerk and brought this on myself? Quite possible. I know that if some of the small things had not happend I would probably worry about something else.
If I could stay in my appartment for the rest of my life, I think I would. Just stay there with my cats and books and movies and records and not talk about it. Because talking about it just makes me feel even worse. It makes me feel just the same + shame, so no thanks.
But life is not so bad. Just gotta collect some debts, read some books, ant tidy up a bit. Then it will be alright.
On a lighter note, the Siebensünden/Teratologen-album is magnificent. They have to keep on collaborating.
Drop Dead Prague was maybe the most awesome time I have had in a long long time. I understand there has been talk about having it in Sweden the next time. I am not really in favour of that idea. If it was in Stockholm it would be great for me (since I live there), but Stockholm is an expensive city to be a tourist in. Part of the fun in Prague was you could drink your head of every night and still have money left to buy CDs, shirts and food on the way home. You could eat really good food really cheap. That ain't gonna happen in Sweden. I would prefer Tallin or Riga. Or maybe even Portugal. Preferebly not Poland. Too many catholics.
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