I've been losing my need for symbols and symbolism lately. That's interesting. It makes me think that focusing problems, attitudes and the world in general through symbols and symbolism was a way of shielding myself, of protecting myself. No, wait a minute... Saying that "it makes me think..." makes it sound like I didn't know that that was what I doing. Which I both did and do know. But I used to see it as a tool, and as a pretty good tool. But what I really am starting to think now is that no matter how good of a tool it was, it's a tool that wasn't really up for this challenge. Because no matter how epressive symbols might be, they are also limiting. They are a bit like my search for an all-permeating philosophy of life. It's not just done without limiting yourself.
Somehow I must make myself realize that there is no need for me to identify with something.
I feel more provocative than I have done for a long time, but there's a more healthy feeling to it now. The feeling of wanting a swastika tattooed on my forehead just to make the world see how much I hate it is fading. Instead it is replaced by a feeling of mischief, and I like that. A feeling of being a bit wrong just to tease peoples minds in a friendly way, not to make them hate or fear. Of being a bit 'wrong' just to provoce people to think. Maybe I'll pick up the iron cross again.
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