Obscured

"Somewhere inside.
It's still obscured.
Darkness reflects.
Stronger than fear.
I seize control to inhale this final day.
I shut my mind but I'm falling anyway.
No.
And I think that I'm all alone.
I can feel the rain pull me down again.
No.
And I know that I have no home.
I can feel the pain take a hold again.
Tied to the ground.
In mounting shade.
My soul is bound.
And so it fades.
And I know that I won't escape.
My remaining faith is draped.
Like my hurt and my fleeting grace.
In this numbing empty space."

This song has haunted me today. I listened to it maybe 10 times in a row. It is from the previously mentioned 'Monotheist' album. The first time it came on in my iPod it immediately became the soundtrack to my travels back home and I was falling deeper and deeper. And then something happened and then it stopped. And then I came home and it was worse than ever. And now it feels ok, I guess.

I feel like I have behaved like such a traitor and like such an emotional couch potato. If there is one thing I should have learned during these past years it is that I must never relax. There is always something that can be done. And I obviously haven't done it. Fuck.

FUCK!