Bleargh

I don't know what I am doing. I don't know why I am doing this. I don't know the way out. I don't know where to go from here. I'm pissed of at it. I'm annoyed. And I'm whining a lot. Sorry for that. I'm just.... Things happen. I feel things. I behave in certain ways. But I can hardly see the correlation anymore. It's like I got some kind of destructive auto pilot in my head. Something that just finds something that hurts and steers right into it while the rest of me don't even know what's happening and BAM! I'm down on the floor hyperventilating and crying and just want it to stop and just want my whole life to never have happened. How do you stop that from happening?