Domestic Duties

They are falling behind.

God. Exactely how pathetic are you if you have to go out and down beer and drinks for Xhundred crowns just to be drunk enough to sleep without nightmares? I had some really disturbing dreams last night.

Well, at least I got a new experience, and that is soothing my nerves with alcohol. And boy, it works! Hopefully it will kill of the caffein.

MY problems doesn't bother me that much now. Sure, they are still there, but I'm learning to deal with them (at least that is what it feels like right now). What's been occupeing my mind is the relationship. I can't get it out of my mind. Where it went wrong etc. I think back on it and compare it and I just see diffences. And I feel like a used wetstone.

And I'm not drunk enough to go to sleep.

Fuck.

My therapist said that it is very common, people breaking up when they are my age. People grow and evolve and grow and yaddayadda. Maybe that is the truth. But it doesn't help. It just makes it feel even worse. Like this had no chance and we have been fooling ourselves from the start.

I feel like a used wetstone and I am not nearly drunk enough.

And they way it all ended... It closed of a lot of ways of evolution for me. Because no matter what I still have some sense of pride. And that is something I can't and won't let go off.

And I am not nearly drunk enough.

To make a HM-reference, I am (as I have always been) between the hammer and the anvil. And aren't we all?

And I am not nearly drunk enough.

Om another note: it's strange that meeting old friends has to feel so akward.

But on a positive note I felt how downing 6 cl of hard liqour soothed my nerves (albeit only momentarely).

And I think I might finally be drunk enough.

Thank you and good night.