It may sound like I spend all my waking hours just feeling worthless and sorry for myself. That is not totally correct. I am pretty ok most of the time. And in one way I am glad. Not glad that I am feeling like I tend to do or that what has happened has happened. Not that at all. But I am seeing myself for the first time. I am seeing who I am, what I am and why I am. I'm daring myself to feel. And although that in itself isn't a source of happiness it makes me feel alive.
Unfortunately, I am a pessimist afraid of just about everything and writing is my main outlet, so this blog might be a bit lobsided. Not untrue, just not the whole truth.
I am calm and need nothing today. Today, it feels like I can take it all. It's amazing what company do for you. There's so much I missed, so much I didn't see. And that is the worst part. That I had to go through this shit to realize that for example touching and beeing touched is important to me. It just makes me feel like... I don't know. Like such a fucking fool.
Yeah.
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