Rock solid

Evertime someone hurts me, they turn into one of them. And you don't let them see that they have managed to affect you. Because then they have won. Just like they did when they managed to provoke me into one of my tantrums at school. Or when they managed to make me cry. They win.

And it's not productive. But that's they way I work. And the more the person hurting me means, the more I turn into stone on the outside. Because for just that moment they turn into one of them even more than anyone else has ever done. Because they have such power over you.

I'm trying really really hard not to be that way. But it is so hard not to. After all, this is the way I have been (or have tried really hard at being) for the last 15 years or more. The thing is, I always thought I was really transparent. I always thought that people saw what I was and what I had been anyways. I guess I got to good at keeping the mask up.

Had a nice night, though. Can't complain. Although I doubt I will be surprised again for a long long time. Right now I doubt that anything will surprise me. But I'm quite tipsy, so that's alright. Tonight everything is alright.

So long, kameraden.