It's interesting, the ways you feel alone and shielded of from the world.
In some ways I feel left behind. Like I am still where I once was and the rest of the world is far ahead. In some ways I feel like I am (as I have said before) seven million miles beyond the sun. Like I am, by my own travels, so far away from the rest of humanity. Like I can't even relate to humans anymore. Like the only things I know about are things that 'normal' people don't know or understand. Or they do and have shunned it.

I don't know... I think I have a problem with hanging out with people who might be more than intellectual equals. It's the barbarian in Rome-thing. There are very few persons that I feel that I don't have anything to prove to. I could count them on one hand.

And I realized, when I tried to explore that Lump-feeling, that I can still make myself cry. Awful. Thought I had passed some kind of road bump, but no. Got to try and stop picking the scabs. Or something. It's just that I have to provoke myself in some way or things will stay hidden. It's hard to analyze your feelings when you don't know them. When you are so used to them that they feel like a neutrum. Like normality.