PANIC!

Just discovered that I'm starting to grow hair on my back! Fuck! I'm growing old. The decline is here. No fun. No fun whatsoever. I mean, there's only like a few hairs, but that is almost worse than if it were like 2000, because I don't really know how to keep this in check. I can't shave my back. Yeah, well... There's not like there is anyone that's going to see me naked.

Damn.

Been in a strange mood today. Can't really describe it. Just strange. Been quite productive, but I still feel weird. Not necessarily in a bad way, though. Probably because I slept really really bad tonight. And because I cracked a tooth on my tounge piercing this morning. Not really that much fun either. Felt so stressed and confused and stuff that I skipped shaving this morning. Figured that I wouldn't be able to properly concentrate, that my skin would react really bad to it and that I probably should let my face rest a bit. Got to learn how you shave your neck without it turning into one big, red rash afterwords.

Spent some time with J today, and that was nice. Nice to clear your head a bit. Nice to talk and just do nothing else.

My mom just called. They make me sad sometimes, my parents. I am glad they care but so often I just want them to leave me alone. Especially today. Apparently some cousin of mine that I have met maybe 3 times the last 15 years is getting married in august to someone I don't think I have ever met and she wondered if I wanted to come. I hardly know what I am going to do next week, do you think august is even on my horizon? Going to a wedding with people I hardly know and hardly care about (and for the most part, don't even like) is not high on my list of priorities. And right now the whole idea of going to a wedding just brings back bad memories. I don't know... That's the problem, I don't know anything. Not really. I'm just... Floating around. Sort of. I'm tired of being an alien and yet, I could never lower myself to be something else. It's lonely on the top, you know? :)

Got to finish the dishes now. See ya.