Had a bit of... I don't know... Had a hard time falling asleep. Thought about violence a lot. And music. And provocation. In Extremis. Blood, violence and rotten meat.
And then I fell asleep and right before I woke up this morning I dreamt about sex. Made me sad.
I just want to fall asleep and when I wake up all this will be over. Everything. Just enough time to make everything stop hurting.
There are a lot of things I want to write here, that I won't write. Because they won't improve anything. Some misconceptions, some untruths, some feelings left unspoken. But I feel like nothing will change if I let the world know, not for the better anyway. The road we are on must be followed to the end and these things will not help the travels. It might make me feel better, but I have gotten more than I deserve already, so I think I will try and give something back. I owe her so much. Sometimes I can't pay her back, sometimes I break down and she once again has to help pick up the pieces and I am so sorry for that, because I know it is hard enough as it is. But at those times I don't have a choice.
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