It feels like I'm never noticed. If I am in a crowd, I'm not the one you look at. Just one example: even from the periods when I was out and about on clubs or gigs or whatever there are no pictures of me. And if there is, it is because I am with people more 'noticeable'. I've been going to the same place for six years and I don't think I've seen one picture of me there. Not even in pictures taken by friends.
I guess I'm not that full of splendour. I've always dressed kind of discret. Don't want to impose myself on the world. Want people to appreciate the details instead of being flabbergasted by shiny things. I guess that don't work well in pictures. But this feeling of being just tolerated isn't getting better, exactely.
And now my logical reason for being anywhere has gone. And I would make myself invisible to the whole world if she'd just see me again. See ME, like she did.
I get used to things, that is my problem. Both good and bad. Taking things for granted, both depression and love.
I feel shame and humiliation.
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