God dammit!

Get a fucking grip!

I miss it so fucking much I could die. I miss her so fucking much. Right now I would get down on my knees and beg for everything to be different. I would beg for any scraps from the table, I would humiliate and degrade myself in any way possible if I thought it would help.

It was never about not wanting to change. It was about not understanding what I had to change. It was about not knowing how to change. It was about not knowing that I had to change.

These last 4 months have been the longest in my life. And the shortest. That so much can be destroyed in 4 months... On the other hand, it has been slowly rotting away for a longer time than that.

I'm so jealous of him. I remember when she felt like that about me. I hope he knows what he got. I obviously didn't. Not enough, anyway.

I regret so fucking much.