It's nice with cats...

...even when they are not your own. It's just not the same.

Spent the day with my brother today. It was nice. It was just once more this strange feeling of us not having that much in common. I don't like that. Not one bit. Plus he's got the family sickness, ie not knowing how to deal with emotions. But at least he gave me a big hug and said ''take care'' when I dropped him of at the train. I almost couldn't let him go. Someone once said that I don't know what I have until I've lost it and that rings more true every day. I see it in everything. I rarely miss people. Not until it is too late. And it isn't too late to see my brother again. But in one way I feel like I've lost him. Or like I'm losing him. I wasn't there for him when he REALLY needed me. I wasn't there for S when she REALLY needed me. And I sure as fucking hell wasn't there when She needed me.

So I cheered myself up by buying a new razor (it vibrates and have like 5000 razorblades and shit) and a shoe polishing kit. So now every shoe in here glistens and hopefully my neck will stop exploding into disgusting little sores (BTW: really high up on my wishlist are products from The Art Of Shaving). Not especially sexy with scabs and ingrown hairs. Plus, I can't seem to get my neck as smooth as the rest of my face.

I kind of feel like I'm closing down. My phone has been turned off the whole day and I haven't checked my email for days. I just don't want to face the world. I just want to live one day at a time. I guess maybe the ostrich is back.

Counseling in 10 hours. Don't know what I'm going to talk about. It's all so blurry. So back and forth.