Friday, March 28, 2008

Time flies...


...but I don't know if it flies fast enough. Maybe it is too fast? Maybe it is too slow?

I'm so tired. I have so little energy. I hardly could be arsed to pay my bills in time. Everything is not yet settled with school. And yet I am anxious. I can't relax. I can't sit still. My life is still divided into periods of just waiting, it's just that I don't know what I'm waiting for anymore. I could bear those periods before, because I had something to look forward to. But not now. Now it's just dead and everything makes me sad and everything feels pointless. I have a black hole in my chest and it just sucks everything into it. Sometimes it even feels like a physical pain in my heart.

There was a time not long ago when crying was so relieving, even when I just cried by my self. Not now. And yet, I can't stop. I just can't stop.

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