Bad Luck Wind

"Got a long line of heartache, I carry it well
The list of lives I've broken reach from here to hell

Back luck wind been blowing at my back
I pray you don't look at me, I pray I don't look back"


So... I was listening to that song (Johnny Cash's version) on my way out to the old folks place. Sitting in a dark bus on a dark road made it feel very fitting. Not at all comforting. But fitting. That last line became a great fear. I'm so afraid that it is me. Or maybe more afraid that the whole song is about a future me.

Does everyone go through this? How do people stay alive? The list of lives I've broken reach from here to hell.

And I got this strange notion that crying is worthless, and that I can't burden those around me with it anymore. But all I want to do is cry. But it makes everything feel so heavy and real and like it really really leaves me naked. It is akin to the same feeling I talked about in the project.