Here Be Monsters

So I'm back to work. Feels strange. Feels like I haven't been here for so long. It's just as boring as it always is.

I feel like some kind of physical change is also needed, as some sort of symbol. As a mark. Silly, I guess. But in many ways I think and act in symbols. On the other hand, I don't want to make that change (whatever that might be) until I really have changed. Do you understand what I am getting at? I just hope I can keep on the straight & narrow (if you know what I mean).

I'm so bored. I just want to go home.



Something just came to mind. Something that was discussed some time ago. Self respect. Obviously something that I don't have a great deal of. Sometimes (often) you just want to hear what other people sya about you, just to know who you are. It feels like I always look a bit too deep into myself. And not in the right places either.

The BIG problem ahead of me is "HOW?" How am I going to do this? I don't have a clue. This territory is new to me. Talk... I don't know how, really (unless I am provoced). There is som much I don't understand. People tell me and talk to me and stuff, but so often I just don't really get it. I understand the words, but I don't understand the concept. At least that is what it feels like.