Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Toward The Within

I feel like a piece of my heart and my soul is missing. I come to think about anything, and I realize that that thing has also changed or is gone because the piece was a part of that as well.

This is bad enough in itself. But it isn't exactely made better (quite to the contrary) that it feels like this piece of me has been given away to someone else.

How can I not feel replaced? I'm sorry, but I do. His mere existence is an insult.
I feel worthless. I feel like I'm nothing.

On the other hand, it feels like it is my fault that I am nothing. That I haven't taken the chances I have been given during the last years to evolve as a person. That all I am is reactions instead of actions and decisions. Something I must change. But as with everything else that has happened, I don't know how. I feel like I've been dropped on the edge of a desert and just been told to cross it.

I need you by my side in this. I know you can't be as close as I want you to, but I need your guidance. You are the only one I know who might have an idea on how to cross this wasteland. And I don't take hints and stuff well. I need firmness.

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