Lethe

If I could I would drink it in one single sip. Right now, I don't want to feel. Anything. It would just be so nice to not feel like shit for once. It feels better then it did a week or two or three or four ago, that much is true. More certain (if that is better). But I'm still feeling like I'm carying around an enormous sack of lead on my back and around my heart. I just want to rest, but I believe there is no rest to be found right now. It feels like I'm being hunted.

I don't want to leave town tonight, but I feel like I have to.

I sometimes wonder if I'm some sort of emotional flagellant. I'm such an idiot. I'm so tired of myself.