Refuge

There really is only a special time when I feel safe. When everything and anything can happen and it is OK. Because at those moments I have what I need. Even when I feel so bad I cry and scream it is still OK. But in between those moments so much stuff goes on in my head that I don't know what to do. Ugly things grow. It is not that I don't believe that the moments will come back (although in the darkest hours of night I tend to be too week and doubt). I just need them so bad, all the time, in one way or the other.

Had a pretty good nights sleep tonight. Probably had a lot to do with lack of sleep every other night this week, being a bit hung over and having spent the day 'working.' Felt nice feeling yourself falling asleep without obsessing over stuff. More of that, please.


It is so hard staying on the right track. It is so scary and I feel so week. I guess the only way to do it is to do it head on, but that is an approach that I have never been comfortable with. Because I am a coward. Emotional ostrich.


On another note I'm turning my computer in for service today + leaving town for the week so I don't know when I'll be updating this thing again. Probably sooner than you think, but we'll see.