Crying Freeman

I wish I didn't feel so lonely right now. That's all. But I can't have what I wish for. Not exactely what I wish for. Not even if the "complications" disappeared, not even if she felt different. Because I couldn't. It doesn't work that way. There's too much pain between us. So even if I could have it, I couldn't.

And at the same time I don't want anything else. Anything else at all. Anyone else.

I guess it's true that you don't regret the things you have done but the things you never did.

It's one of those days again. Like yesterday. Like this whole week. Just want to hide. Just want to disappear. Go away. Hide.

I'm so scared. I really am. Because I know what I want but I don't know how to get it. I have absolutely no idea. Blindness and ignorance is easy for me.

I can't go on like this. I can't even work properly. I'm fucking up and breaking down. Everything just runs through my fingers, and it just runs faster and faster. It makes me so sad.

I hope I get that apartment. And at the same time it scares the shit out of me. Well, it might motivate me to stop smoking because I really can't afford to keep that habit up. And it's close to the cats. That's nice.