Got the apartment. Are you supposed to get this depressed and afraid when you get somewhere to live? This is always my reaction to new things. Fear. I just see what can go wrong.

I'm worried. That's just about sums it up. Very worried.

Everything could fuck up so bad. Not just for me.



I'm getting very tired of seeing mistakes so clearly. Not just mine. It makes me angry and sad. And mostly, it makes me angry and sad because seeing them now makes no fucking difference what so ever. It's just painful and aggravating.

"So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk
Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get really fucking drunk
I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up."

I want to stop rehashing all this shit all the time. Just let it be. Just let it go.