Raus

I wish I could stop seeing things that are simply differences between me and other people as personal deficiencies on my part.

I haven't felt at home anywhere for so long. And I don't mean as in having a home. I mean like going to a bar and feeling like I'm in a western movie when I enter. Like the piano stops playing and everyone looks at me and thinks "what's he doing here?" It's like that almost everywhere. Even in places that logically should be home.

Do you ever feel like that? That you are barely accepted whenever you go somewhere, and the only reason that you are just barely accepted and not totally despised and thrown out is the fact that you just haven't fucked up yet. But you are going to, because there are always rules, rules that you know nothing about, rules that are there JUST SO YOU WILL MESS UP AND THEY WILL GET A REASONG TO LAUGH AT YOU, DESPISE YOU AND THROW YOU OUT.

I don't know... It's not as bad as it used to be, but I get pangs of it all the time.